People Pleasing...a Disorder?...What?

I read an article on the web regarding the subject of being a people pleaser....this all came to me tonight because I saw a blog that made me feel inadequate and guilty for saying no to some one I care for greatly......I have an issue with myself! I think I am a People Pleaser!

A people pleaser thinks of other people's feelings and needs before their own. They worry about what other people want, think need and spend alot of time doing things for others, rarely doing for themselves and feeling guilty when they do.   I think that I am one of these people because I only go to work come home, do for my family and rarely follow through on anything I start for myself.....water color painting, reading, studying what interests me. Meeting with girlfriends.....the last time I had lunch with any one of my friends was .... I can't remember! This type of person holds back what they really want to say....they tend to sugar coat or deny their feelings and say what they think others want to hear.....As a result, they end up spending time with people who don't consider their needs at all. In fact, I find myself  feeling driven to make insensitive or unhappy people feel better - even at the detriment to myself....almost like begging that person to feel better....I think that I need to stop this habit and realize that people need to be happy within themselves and not try to make others bring their happiness about. I am realizing that constantly trying to please other people is draining and many times I feel anxious, worried, unhappy, and tired a lot of the time.   Sometimes, I find myself feeling like I am imposing on someone  if they ask someone for help ......I think many times that - if they really wanted to help, they would have offered without my asking.  I am realizing that this line of thinking happens because I  feel obligated to reciprocate. In order to make them feel better about helping me. Is it possible that my low self worth is a result of having been taught that my work depends on doing things for other people? Are there a lot of women out there who feel this way?    Being this way is really painful. I am tired of feeling that I don't measure up to someone's standards if I can't come through for them. I'm beginning to feel like a victim.....I feel as if sometimes I am taken for granted or being taken advantage of. I think that it is so insensitive for someone to feel angry towards me when they don't get the happiness they deserve and expect me to lift them up. I have read that People pleasers were raised in homes where their needs and feelings were not valued, respected, or considered important. They were often expected as children to respond to or to take care of other people’s needs. Or they may have been silenced, neglected, or otherwise abused, thus learning that their feelings and needs were not important.  In my experience I think that, I was raised to be a people pleaser - to think of others’ needs first, and to neglect my own. To some degree I don't feel this is bad, realizing that the whole world doesn't revolve around you, but I think that I have taken it too far and without realizing it, have created my own turmoil.   I have become someone who's focus is mostly on others and away from myself. I think that is why I seek approval from my family and friends.  I do often feel empty, and numb, find that I have a hard time lately knowing what I want even how I feel ........ is it possible to change this pattern? I have been practicing saying NO. But it is very hard, especially when I get feedback, then I find myself justifying my saying it. I have recently said "I need to think about it first, I’ll get back to you" or "Let me check my schedule and call you back". I am not sure how I feel about this but it is liberating.....eventually I think I will be able to say it with ease....not all the time of course. I think I need to just slow down, slow down my pace, and let God speak to me. Hear his voice and let that calm me down....maybe then my anxiety will go away and I won't have to take any more anti-depressants or anti-anxiety drugs...maybe then my chest will stop feeling like it wants to explode!!!!! I find that I like to walk slowly;and take my time even when my husband is a mile in front of me on our walk.....well the dog does drag him too.....there I go making excuses for someone again....see what I mean? I think that this year my resolution is to really discover what gives makes me happy and enjoy doing them.....not bring a watch or be impatient with myself if I am not learning fast enough..... I do ask my husband to do a lot for me and I think he is a people pleaser too....he never says no. I have to respect his space and also learn to do things on my own.....I really love him. I think that the reality that I can't please everyone and make friends with everyone is something I need to really think about, because I often feel that I failed someone if I tick them off.....this makes me not say what is really on my mind and then I truly don't have a right relationship with them.....I want to be able to say what I feel without feeling that I have to watch how I say things.....besides I think that People should like me for who I am and not simply for what I can do for them.