My Story

Well, I am taking a dive into the unknown. I wrote this story because my husband and I are applying for a Misson Assignment to the Phillipines. I feel a need to post this, and am hoping that whoever reads this in the future will benefit from it. It is the first time I have really looked at my life from a spiritual point of view...I know after writing this that I feel more free and more loved, safe and guided by my Creator.

1)       Describe how and when you came to know Jesus Christ as your savior and trace your Christian growth since that time.

      I was raised Roman Catholic, born on the island of Guam, a small island in the South Pacific. I was raised to respect my elders and go to church on a regular basis.

My family is very devout Roman Catholic and memories of my Dad and Grandmother praying the rosary nightly are still vivid in my mind.  Though I felt an attraction to God then, I think it was more from a standpoint of viewing Him as someone who was in the past or at best present but not truly in my life. If I felt his presence I wasn’t aware that it was Him, in the truest sense I believed there was a God but didn’t understand what it really meant in my life. The God in my life was an Overseer, someone I had to make sure I didn’t upset, because upsetting God meant confession and time in quiet praying for forgiveness.

My very first clear awareness of God in my life was in the ritual of going to church and attending catholic school. Because my grandfather was a carpenter, and donated much of his time to building churches, church pews and statues, the smell of the wood and the warm sunny rooms always touched my heart, made me feel at home.   I would often look forward to the music and stories about His Love, Sacrifice, Grace and Redemption for our sins. 

During this period of my life knowing that God was real came from an informational standpoint. My believing he was in my life and actually relating to him was not even a conscious thing for me.  I guess you could say I was ignorant to my ignorance.  It wasn’t until I was in my early teens that I really started thinking about who God was and taking thought to this idea that “He is a constant presence” in my life. The relationship with God, as a personal Savior, was foreign to me.

 It was at the age of 15 when I started asking questions.  I went to a catholic elementary/junior high school in a village 15 minutes from home.  I rode the bus to and from school.  Part of the school bus route was to stop at the Adventist School about ½ a mile from home. I noticed the kids and teachers every day after school and was drawn to the quiet peacefulness and demeanor between each other.  It got me wondering, so I asked my Dad (A former seminary student) what was different about the Seventh Day Adventist faith and the Catholic faith. Among other things he mentioned they were Protestant and that the Sabbath Day was acknowledged on Saturday. He also said they did not believe in the Pope. He went on to explain the importance of the Pope as a Leader in our church. I questioned why would we want to have a leader other than Jesus in our lives, and he answered that we needed someone on earth to teach us how to grow in our faith and that Peter was the first Pope given authority by Jesus to head the church on earth. Whatever the Pope said was to be taken as if God was speaking directly to us.  I was very unsettled about that and from there on, we would have discussions regarding this matter. 

In 1978 while attending Viterbo College in LaCrosse, WI. I received a visit from Sister Bernadette Peters, a family friend. We had a wonderful lunch and she told me stories of my Mother and Father when they were in College. After she took me back to my room we said our goodbyes and as she was leaving she turned around as if she forgot to tell me something and then said it. She told me that I was blessed.  I was taken aback, and though I didn’t show it, I was very uncomfortable with the idea that God blessed me.   Because I felt orphaned at an early age, I didn’t understand what that meant; to be “blessed” and thought it was just something someone says when they like you and your family.  I never considered myself blessed. Actually I thought I was one of the most unlucky people in the world. How many women lose their Mother at such an early age? The aching loneliness I felt as a child began to take over my life so strongly and by the end of the semester I found myself wanting to go home.  Besides that, I was in love with someone from home of whom I was corresponding with.  I stopped writing him when he told me I needed to date other people and then would only hear from him sporadically. In my heart I had hoped we would continue to be friends always. I remember thinking as much as I love this person I have to let him go and if it was meant to be we would be together regardless.  Needless to say because of this huge emotional hole in my life, my first semester away from home was a disaster. I could not focus on my studies and found myself associating with people who were interested in school as a social activity rather than a productive one. The rest of the school year into the spring of 1979 was a blur of parties, boys and intense depression. 

In the summer of 1980, While on Guam, visiting my cousin Vivian, the subject of my Mother came up.  Vivian shared some stories about my Mother, about her cooking and gave me a cookbook my Mother used often. She then started telling me about the events surrounding her death and particularly what life was like after she died.  She started by telling me that my Mother was a very religious person. I had more questions for her and this prompted her to tell me a story about my behavior shortly after my mother passed away. 

My Mother passed way just 2 days before my birthday.  I was just barely 3 years old and apparently, I had been very miserable and hard to care for. My grandmother and aunts all took turns watching over me and my two siblings while my Father handled the funeral arrangements and worked full time. For a variety of reasons, shortly after the funeral, my Father left the island to finish his education, and my grandparents took on the responsibility of raising the 3 of us.  For 3 years we lived with my grandparents, and very often I remember Grandma praying with her rosary in the quiet of her room. This is an image that often comes to mind when I am afraid or lonely or feel like something is wrong. My grandparents, Felix and Antonia Camacho were very devout Catholics. Though they could afford more, they lived in a humble small two bedroom house on the beach.  When they took my siblings and I in, my sister and I had to share a bed with my Grandmother.

One morning my grandmother awoke to find me missing in bed. She got up and went into the kitchen and found me with a bowl of grapes. When she asked me what I was doing I told her I was “feeding the Angels grapes”. She then asked me why they were here and I told her that “They were here to take care of me to watch over me while my Mother slept.”

Since that afternoon with my cousin, whether or not this really happened, this story stayed with me.  I think if the outcome of that night helped me cope with my Mother’s death and is a story that my family remembers, then it is a quiet witness to how God takes care of his children and makes me wonder how many other times children were visited by angels or impressed to know that God is with them…either way at a very early age in my life God was with me and cared enough to take the time to tell me through His Angels that I counted. I cannot forget that. According to my cousin, the impact the death of my Mother had on me was profound in that I was a difficult child but after that night I became quiet, I stopped throwing temper tantrums.   I believe this story brought me to the beginning of an awareness of God being my personal Savior, but it wasn’t a conscious realization.

At the end of the summer, I went back to school and began to look at my life more seriously. I began viewing God as an active observer in my life, someone who I could turn to when I needed help. After all, the Angels did say they would watch over me. Over time, I began to pray and attend church more regularly once a month and holidays.  One day while shopping in downtown Lacrosse, WI I happened to walk into a Christian Bookstore. The row of Bibles caught my eye and I bought one on a whim. I took it home and read it whenever I felt the urge; which wasn’t often it seemed only when I was struggling with something that I would turn to it. I felt a peace come over me when I read. It brought memories back of grade school religion classes and suddenly the stories we studied began to interest me. Over time I would reach for it before any other book I had.

Fall 1979 arrived and I met a boy in college.  We dated exclusively for a ½ a year when our relationship began to wear on me/ I saw how the relationship had no meaning to me. We would not really discuss anything meaningful regarding life.  He wasn’t a Christian and his influence on me was not very good. I tried to leave him but he was suicidal and violent. I found myself not going to church. I got wrapped up in his life …drugs and parties and although I never did drugs, they were in my life. Because I chose not to participate in these activities, no matter what I did to occupy myself I always ended up feeling empty and discouraged. As I became further involved with this person I found myself feeling numb again and lost. Life didn’t feel very interesting.  One spring morning, I began to feel physically sick and went to the doctor and found out I was pregnant with his child. When I told him this, he showed me his truest colors.   I cried all night and turned to God then, believing he could make this work. I remember begging him to make this man change his mind and tell me he wanted me to keep our child. After the abortion I felt empty and lifeless.  Adoption was out of the question even though I felt a peace about it, but then fear and thoughts crept into my mind…I would have gone that direction but by the time I was able to really commit I talked myself out of it. My boyfriend was unstable and had shown me a dark side of himself I never saw before.  I was afraid that if I kept the baby I would never get away from this man and I even felt that the baby would be in danger. So instead of doing the right thing leaning on my Lord trusting him and telling my parents, I did what I thought was necessary.    These actions set me in a spiral downward in faith. I became angry at myself, ashamed and lost interest in God. I didn’t feel worthy, and at the same time felt he let me down, didn’t take care of me like he said he would. I found myself becoming numb to everything and everyone around me. Though I never actually tried, I did think of suicide. Every time I thought of it however the story from my cousin Vivian would pop into my head, and I could hear Sister Bernadette telling me I was blessed.

Shortly after that I began to experience nightmares in my sleep. I would hear voices and would wake up at night shaking violently I could feel hands touching me in various places. I found myself becoming very uninterested in life and slept more during the day because I was exhausted and I did not care.  Finally one day I had a horrible dream where I heard someone speaking horrible obscenities to me. It was so real and loud it woke me up. I started to pray and found comfort in that I would sleep better going forward but still was tired when I woke up.  Not every day but more often than not I would pray and talk to God about my sadness.   My nightmares began to cease.  In the fall of 1980 my boyfriend got the idea to join the Military and when he was away at boot camp I wrote him a “Dear John” letter. I don’t know if you would call that the saving grace of God but it was an answer to a prayer I had to send this person out of my life and soon before it was too late.

In the fall of 1981 I met a woman from Guam. Her name was Teresita Atoigue Kelly. A year before I met her she had been leaving messages with my roommate and I did not want to call her. Our meeting was interesting, she called her son over to my apartment that very night so we could meet and when she and her husband left Tom and I had no choice but to get to know each other.  Later after that night we would get together on and off. He seemed to enjoy my company and I noticed right away after being with him, he had a warm and caring heart. He listened to me and I felt a peace from him whenever we were together.  I found out later as Terry got to know me more that she knew my Mother.  I had lots of questions for her. I knew deep down in my heart that God made this meeting happen.  Tom and I became more involved with one another and found we couldn’t’ stay apart any longer.  When he proposed to me in December 1981 I didn’t hesitate, I said yes. We had planned on marrying on Guam after my last semester in college and instead got married in March 1982. We changed our wedding plans because I found out I was pregnant that February. When I told him I was pregnant, he smiled from ear to ear and said, “I have always wanted to be married and have children before I was 24, thanks for making it happen”. Instead of an elaborate wedding, (neither one of us had any money); because the catholic priest in our church refused to marry us since we were not members and I was pregnant, we opted to marry at the courthouse. After the wedding we stayed in Menomonie as we both were attending the same college.   For two years we lived in the Eau Claire/Menomonie area.  It happened that Tom was Catholic also and we had shared our religious views early on in our courtship to find we both were strong believers in God but were inactive and not very regular churchgoers.

From 1982 to 1984 we lived in Seattle, WA. Tom was recruited to work for Boeing Aerospace to help organize their new Computer Aided Design department.  The two years spent during that time was difficult because of having a new baby and new marriage, plus being further away from any type of family influence and guidance.   My Grandmother died during this time and I went to Guam for the funeral. There I discussed my situation with my parents.  My mother was in complete support of my staying in Guam.  I felt I did not give my marriage a chance and for the first time in a long time I prayed again.  I cried and asked God to help me discern the right thing to do.  I t was clear to me that if our marriage was to survive we had to change our priorities.  We discussed our options and in the fall of 1984 Tom joined the US Navy.  He was to work in Aeronautics and after his graduation, we moved to Tennessee.

Shortly after moving to Tennessee, Tom received word that his grandfather died. He was unable to go home for the funeral and spent a few nights talking about his grandfather. One night he work up with a rash on his face, and when asked what was wrong, he said he dreamed his grandfather came to him to say hello and gave him a hug and brushed his beard up against his face.  I become pregnant early in 1986 and because of a minor medical condition prior to joining (he had astigmatism), the Navy discharged Tom, and in the fall of 1986 we moved back to Wisconsin.

Once back in Wisconsin, I read an article about a woman who was heavily into the New Age Movement. I was curious about this new way of worship and I began to ask questions and visit other churches.  I think what sparked my curiosity was the dream Tom had about his Grandfather.

 Our son Ryan was born a day before Tom’s grandfather’s birthday. I became obsessed with the concept of Reincarnation and life after death and went as far as to have a medium read our past life history to us. It seemed however that the deeper into this spiritual life I got the more restless and unsettled I became.  One day I went to a church called “Unity” and came home angry. I learned in one of their study sessions that they believed that Jesus was not a God but merely a highly spiritually advanced person. I don’t know why I was angry about it but it made me decide not to continue my research and I found myself reading my Bible again and praying on a weekly basis. One of the first things I decided to pray about was the “Truth”.  I still remember my prayer. It was short and quiet but strongly petitioned. I began to talk to God daily.

Finally, Tom got a job selling insurance. I noticed he was becoming discouraged and would tell me about his dissatisfaction of the job and the long hours he had to put in to the night just to make ends meet. The company had him do certain things to secure accounts that he felt it wasn’t ethical.   I was not working at the time, and wanted to stay home with my children and raise them. Since I was the one with a college degree and began to feel a prompting to work full time to help out with the finances.  One day Tom came home at 4:00AM dirty from head to toe. I asked him what happened and he said he fell asleep at the wheel driving home and ended up in a ditch.  I was grateful he did not hurt himself and knew he was protected.  After that night we decided we needed to do something with our lives but did not have anywhere to turn.   We had just been overwhelmed by bad news that whole week.  We continued to participate in more New Age activities but found ourselves getting more discouraged and uneasy of the practices we were learning from these new found friends of ours.  

The next day, I asked Tom to explain exactly what he did to secure accounts. What he told me was shocking.  I told him that I did not want him to work for someone who would ask him to compromise his ethics and it was fine with me if he quit.  I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do no matter the cost.  That night I prayed and asked him to pray with me. Praying together felt awkward, we didn’t really know what we were doing so we took turns just talking out our feelings and then the words came easy.   We physically kneeled down and asked God to guide us and show us what to do with our lives. We actually wrote down our needs and prayed about them. The interesting thing about this action of ours was that we were prompted to pray; up until that point we still were not going to church or even praying together as a couple.  A week later, Tom found an article about getting an Associate Degree in Aeronautical Science at Aims College in Greeley Co. He applied, was accepted and we felt it was an answer to prayer and prayed some more about it.  In one week we had all of our petitions answered. We moved to Greely in February of 1988 and I even had a full time job lined up for me.

Our first week in Greeley was spent settling in. I happened to be unpacking boxes when I came across the Bible I bought at the bookstore in LaCrosse so long ago. I had not opened this particular Bible since 1980 and sat down to look at it. It opened to the back part of the book to a question and answer section about truths in the Bible. The first truth that reached out to me was the truth about death. There I learned that death is but a sleep. I learned about the second coming of Christ. After sitting there in quiet amazement I showed the book to Tom. I felt God was trying to tell me something. I remembered my Angel story.”Mom was asleep” It brought me peace as the thought of having my Mother see all I went through was heartbreaking.  My picture of God began to grow more personal.   I kept my Bible by my bedside from thereon. I was still having nightmares but someone told me when I was in Wisconsin to pray for Jesus to remove the demons from my sleep and so each time I felt threatened and woke up in a cold sweat I would pray “In the name of Jesus leave this room” The nights became quieter the more I prayed.

One day Tom brought the mail into the kitchen and set the mail down on the table. In my haste to clear up the table for supper I took what mail I thought was junk and threw it in the trash.  As Tom took the mail out that night he noticed a brochure advertising Bible study at a local conference hall. He pulled it out and showed it to me. I told him I wasn’t interested anymore in searching for a church because I had my Bible and didn’t trust any churches anymore, especially after our experience with New Age. I just wanted to stay in my safe place and read my Bible.  Tom said ok and told me he wanted to go to the seminar and I gave him my opinion and he began to go.  After about a week of going he asked me to humor him and come to the meetings.  I was apprehensive, but he said the speaker was a Archeologist and former Atheist. He was having this series to prove Bible Truth. He said that most of what the speaker was talking about was Bible History and proving it through his experiences in Archeological findings.  After enough prompting from Tom I went. The first night I went I was very apprehensive, but I noticed that the Bible the people were using to refer to was very familiar. 

Later when we got home I picked up my Bible by my bedside and to my amazement it was the same one that was being used at the Seminar. The Q & A section was even the same one I had! I was in awe that night and still feel emotional about this.  I saw how God was trying to tell me something all these years and I had to go through all I did to see that he was always with me no matter what happened in my life; I was touched to realize that He loved me and knew my heart before I even knew it. I shared this news with Tom and at the end of the seminar we were baptized as Seventh Day Adventists. Our daughter Tara was baptized with us.

           

After the baptism, we were paired up with a couple from the church who informed us right away that being new Christians was not going to be easy. They were more right than we realized. For about 4 years after our Baptism, our marriage suffered.  For some reason my depression came back and I couldn’t shake it. I felt unhappy with our marriage and felt that Tom wasn’t dedicated to being the husband and father I wanted him to be. I did not realize that what was going on with me was aftermath from my abortions in 1979. 

We were going to church on a regular basis and the children were happy and Tom seemed so too. I was not. I did not know why, I just knew I wasn’t happy. We built a new house, our dream home.   I ended up seeing a counselor who told me that I was better off not married and I took her advice to separate from Tom. After 3 months, a friend of mine asked me to consider holding Bible study classes in my home. I thought it was a good idea and maybe if I did that I would feel better about myself and help someone out at the same time.  The Bible studies were for women only.  They happened to be about having a genuine relationship with God. The study referred to our walk with Christ like our marriage.

Through these studies, I became aware that the quality of my walk with God reflected on my marriage. I realized that if I wanted to have that walk with God and have it be a personal and meaningful one, I had to inventory my life and face whatever it was that was keeping me from having a solid relationship with my husband.  I prayed for God to guide me and I also felt that our new house was a hindrance to our marriage in that it was growing to be more and more of an obsession.   I asked God to take away whatever it was that was keeping me from having a good marriage and a relationship with Him.  3 weeks later, my husband and I got back together and I received an offer from my employer to promote and the condition was that we move to Georgia. I felt this was my answer to prayer. I did not pray about it anymore….bad decision I realized later.   My husband felt otherwise and in spite of his wanting to discuss it more, I took matters into my own hands and said I wanted to move. Our house sold in 2 weeks in a down – market and we actually made money in the short time we had it.  It was our dream home but I didn’t care anymore.  What mattered most was that we start over doing everything for the right reason.  The problem was that I did not make this a mutual decision.  I told my husband what I wanted to do and to keep me happy, he went along with the decision, and so we moved to Atlanta, GA. 

We lived in GA from 1993-1995.  During this time we became more involved with our church.  Tom was busy trying to establish his place in aviation but the industry was suffering at the time, there were many laid off pilots. The kids were in Marietta SDA School, we were involved in church on a very regular basis now and yet I began to feel restless. My depression came back and I even felt sick physically. Instead of turning to God to help me through whatever I was experiencing I ended up becoming distracted and our marriage became stressful once again.  I was making close to double what I made in Colorado.  Money became our idol.   I realized later that we did not know how to budget, we were making more than enough money to survive on, but we were not saving and communicating with each other about our financial situation.

This took a toll on our marriage and we separated once again, and this time, I left Tom taking the children with me and tried to start my life over in Guam. In January 1996, the mission clinic offered a Life Skills class to people who were struggling with various circumstances. In March of 1996, Tom decided to move to Guam to be closer to the kids and I found that my feelings for him never changed. After knowing he still loved me, we talked.  We agreed that we needed to sort our lives out before we could re-commit to each other and decided to take the course our church was offering. 

The classes proved worthwhile, by the end of the 6 month sessions we had both identified areas we needed to improve in and I identified especially that I needed to forgive myself for my past. I was reminded that God had already forgiven me, and that all I had to do was take the first step to believe that He believed in me. I learned that the emotional pain I had was only there in me because I did not allow myself to believe that I was forgiven. Tom and I learned that the problems we had and the problems in our marriage were a direct reflection in the way we thought and we had to change our thought process in order to begin a change our lives.

I realized that whenever I did things my way, without accepting my situation and working with it instead of against it, things would always turn out bad.   I was trying to do everything my way and found that I had to do things AND include God in my life daily and leave my selfish motives behind. I learned that doing otherwise leads to a fruitless and empty life. Before this awareness, God in my life daily as a real person sounded foreign to me. I thought that I understood who he was and that I had a better relationship with him already and I was surprised to find that I did not view him yet as a personal savior, he was still someone I called on only when I needed him. He was still someone I saw separate from me and someone who was intangible. Instead of talking to Him all these years I realized I was talking AT Him.

I saw my problem as clearly.  I finally sat that the depression I had was due to not understanding what His death meant for ME.  When He died for me He died for everything I did as sin and to harbor my sin and cling to it was as if He never died. My sin became my life, and I never let it go. My sin was my attachment and my idol.  As bad as it was for me I could not let it go because of the guilt I had in letting it go. I felt I deserved to be miserable I deserved nothing less.  I could hear my Father saying I was going to Hell.  When I learned about Hell later in another Bible study, all I could do was shake my head….Here I was playing in the mud and Jesus was reaching out to me for a better life and I was happy in the mud.  I was doing God an injustice and all the while He still cared for me and protected me.   I saw then that the message he gave me when I was little was a message for the rest of my life not just for the time of my childhood. I accepted that Sister Bernadette was right, that I was blessed; we all are as a matter of fact, we just have to believe and live as if we believe it. Not allowing negative or impure thoughts to linger in our minds, asking God everyday to help us win the victory over sin as his Son did. God wants to be with me sharing in my life daily with Him. That is all he ever wanted from me.

When we moved back to Wisconsin in 1997 and around the middle of the year my son had to go to a hockey game. It was reported that the weekend was going to be beautiful.  I fell into a deep sleep the night before. My nightmares had all but disappeared.  In the middle of the night however, I heard something being whispered in my ear, it didn’t sound good. As I was arousing to consciousness I opened my eyes while thinking “oh no another dream”.  As I opened my eyes I saw another set staring at me.   I saw the most beautiful colors of white, teal and natural skin color and a large set of sad, sad eyes staring in astonishment at me. He was surprised I could see him!  The creature had a wing set of 6 feet on each side, and backed away from me, he looked like an ancient creature, a gargoyle, yet I could see a former magnificence he never used to look like that. I also sensed great loss. A fleeting thought of a story that Ellen White wrote about the Magnificence of Lucifer, the Morning Star…is this was all the fallen angels look like?  I saw behind me another set of wings but I wasn’t sure what I was seeing, thinking I was dreaming again. I woke my husband and he sat there and looked at me and I said I was seeing things and described the creature in front of me. I asked him to pray with me. He did and as we prayed both creatures backed away and disappeared out the window.  As soon as I finished praying the room changed shape. It was as if I was transported to a white room with carved marble walls. A thought came to me “Nothing is as it seems” and then a thought entered my mind. The verse from Matthew 9: 37 “The harvest is plentiful but the laborers are few” I also heard “I have many workers but few are willing” I saw people in a field of wheat. Some were working and others had the tools to use but were standing with the tools observing the others. After the thought, the room became dark. The darkness was so intense yet I was not afraid.  When I calmed down I found myself clinging to my Bible.  By the way, I did not know that what entered my mind at the time was a Bible verse until 2 years later in a Sabbath School class followed by a sermon.  I was flabbergasted when I saw the verse. 

The next morning I prayed before we left for the hockey game. I remember studying that Satan cannot read your thoughts, so I prayed privately to God to give me a sign that whatever happened that night was real. I was told in prayer that He would bring a male Pheasant bird with wings outspread in the middle of a corn field. Up to then I had never seen one I knew they were rare and especially in the middle of winter (in was January) that would be a good sign for me. I thanked him for his protection and then we left. It was about a 2.5 hour drive to the game and I often rode in the front seat. Halfway through the ride my Son asked if he could sit up front. I was unsure, I didn’t tell anyone what I had prayed for and did not want to miss anything that might happen. My son was adamant and needed to speak with his Dad so we traded places.  As we rode along I fell asleep.  In what seemed like a minute I heard the excitement from the boys. Apparently there was something out in the cornfield.  I heard Tom say “Look at that Ry that is a male Pheasant with his wings spread. Isn’t that a beautiful site! This is a rare thing to see these guys out like this especially in the cold they rarely come out like that” They were admiring the colors of the pheasant and by the time I jumped up to see, it was gone. At that point I told my husband and son the story of my prayer.  I have only told this story of my vision to a few people. I asked my pastor at the time what to do about it and he did not know. I asked other pastors and laymen and one pastor, Ric Swaningson told me that one day the meaning behind the visions and the pheasant out in the field would reveal itself to me and to be patient and give it to God.

 There are other experiences in my walk with God that I haven’t spoken about but to write them down would take more paper and in all honesty I see how he is with me daily in my thoughts and in my life experiences being what they are. Seeing the goodness in people, being given a new day to breathe and learn about his love through the Bible and interacting with people on a daily basis. He is everywhere and around me, and especially with me and in my heart and on my mind daily.  God is real.

God will never leave me or forsake me and whatever I do going forward it is to be done with Him as a partner in my life because I believe that anything other than that would be in vain.  As I was writing these memories down, I also remember being prompted as early as 17 to consider working for the Peace Corp or some kind of missionary work. It never dawned on me to pray for that. My husband and I have this opportunity to work as Missionaries overseas. I think this has been God’s plan all along for me and Tom, and I think that everything I have been through will help me to be a better witness to the Filipino people and also be a good representative of the Seventh Day Adventist Church.

1998 I joined the Apple Crisis Pregnancy Center as a volunteer. I went through grief counseling and became more convinced that my life was different because I gave it to God.  I was involved in a near death accident in 2010 and I am still here today because I believe that God is not done with me yet. In 2009 I had a phone call from my old boyfriend, to let me know he was going through Alcoholic Addition treatment. We agreed to keep in touch. He began to write me and after the second letter, I told him I forgave him a long time ago, however we need to lead separate lives without being in touch.  I continue to pray for him to find peace and forgiveness in his life.

Today, I no longer suffer from depression.    Through His love I have chosen to be happy.  I have chosen to have a good marriage and a meaningful relationship with the rest of my family.  Love is a decision, not a feeling.  This is one lesson I also learned from our Life skills counseling. This statement has been on a magnet on our refrigerator for the last 14 years and is a quiet witness to all who enter our home. 

 I no longer feel empty inside as I believe that I let God fill me with his spirit and whenever I do feel sad it is just a passing, fleeting moment….a memory that I no longer need to harbor because it is just that. A memory of someone I was and who I no longer am. I will always remember who I was and where I came from.   God has plans for me to share this story to those who need to hear it.  For all I have been through and all I have yet to experience, I am forever thankful for His Grace, His Sacrifice and His Love, His Redemption, and most of all for His presence in my life. I look forward to happy adventures and service to Him for the rest of my life.